Sometimes I feel that doesn't always quite apply to me,
a 185cm 85kg white male grokking a "second-tier" Chinese city.
Whether tripping over a curb by my carelessness or exposing my forested legs by wearing shorts, I sometimes feel my most everyday actions are scrutinized.
Wears jeans: check.
Dark hair and eyes: Asian lineage?
Has 2 ipods, 2 computers, and a cellphone: yup, rich and excessive
Uses chopsticks: wow!
Uses chopsticks: incorrectly, check.
Am I being carefully evaluated; confirming, contradicting, and creating Chinese conceptions of Americans?
I sometimes think so, especially when I am in a coffee bar and the blink of a red light indicates my picture has been taken...
....or when I'm on a bus and a cellphone pointed in my direction is clearly being used to photograph me, despite the holder's false appearance of typing a text message...
....or when I'm on a ferry and a person moves near to me to have their picture snapped, pretending to be oblivious to my presence...
Haha, you get the point, right?
I can't help but wonder if those instances just represent those who aren't good at being covert; that in reality, I'm constantly on show, like a monkey in a zoo, or a fish in an aquarium. I once imagined a business plan to track foreigners using envisioning camo, safari hats, and binoculars (yes, my creativity sometimes goes wild)
So you can imagine my envy at the freedom and carefree individuality many Chinese express on a daily basis.
For example, Chinese sometimes wear neon colors, creative designs, mismatched articles, and shirts with ridiculous sayings, yet I'm the only person who seems to care about this spectacle.
Just the other day, I passed a Chinese guy publicly singing his heart out as his MP3 played music into his ears. Just a few seconds later, I walked by another guy, also publicly singing his heart out, sans MP3. Yet I was the only one to smile in amusement at their passion.
Or how about the shy girl who flashes a peace-sign and offers a loud "yeah!" whenever she approvingly encounters something. Yet I'm the only who seems baffled by this quite expressive outburst from a quite quiet girl.
In fact, I find myself looking longer at strangers, approaching the point of staring. I've sneakily snapped photos, with scores of other occasions when I wish I had my camera. Just yesterday, upon noticing a really tall Chinese guy, I nudged my friend, remarking on the tall man's height.
Some friends back home worry that I am "going native." Don't worry, I don't feel like a Chinese at all. But I am understanding that I'm not a monkey in a cage. There are no bars. I'm here by choice. And Chinese are every bit as curious as I am. The sooner I'm more comfortable with this curioisity the better for both me and my newfound friends to learn together, and hopefully smile and laugh at each others antics.